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         Robert Asprin. Epigraps for Myth series
         Robert Asprin. Epigraps for Myth series
         I. Another Fine Myth
         1. "There are things on heaven and earth,
         Horatio, Man was not meant to know"
         -Hamlet 2. "Things are not always as they seem"
         -Mandrake 3. "The only thing more reliable than magik is
         one's friends!"
         -Macbeth 4. "Careful planning is the key to safe and
         swift travel"
         -Ulysses 5. "Only constant and conscientious practice
         in the Martial Arts will ensure a long and
         happy life"
         -B. Lee 6. "Attention to detail is the watchword for
         gleaning information from an unsuspecting
         witness"
         -Insp. Clouseau 7. "Is there anything in the universe more
         beautiful and protective than the simple
         complexity of a spider's web?"
         -Charlotte 8. "In times of crisis, it is of utmost impor-
         tance not to lose one's head"
         -M. Antoinette 9. "To function efficiently, any group of
         people or employees must have faith in
         their leader"
         -Capt. Bligh (ret.) 10. "Man shall never reach his full capacity
         while chained to the earth. We must take
         wing and conquer the heavens"
         -Icarus 11. "One of the joys of travel is visiting new
         towns and meeting new people"
         -G. Khan 12. "First impressions are of major importance
         in business matters"
         -J. Pierpoint Finch 13. "The secret to winning the support of large
         groups of people is positive thinking"
         -N. Bonaparte 14. "A little help at the right time is better than
         a lot of help at the wrong time"
         -Tevye 15. "Anyone who uses the phrase 'easy as
         taking candy from a baby' has never tried
         taking candy from a baby"
         -R. Hood 16. "Just because something doesn't do what
         you planned it to do doesn't mean it's use-
         less"
         -T. Edison 17. "The wonders of the ages assembled for
         your edification, education, and enjoy-
         ment - for a price"
         -P.T. Barnum 18. "No matter what the product or service
         might be, you can find it somewhere else
         cheaper!"
         -E. Scrooge 19. "By persevering over all obstacles and
         distractions, one may unfailingly arrive at
         his chosen goal or destination"
         -C. Columbus 20. "With the proper consideration in choice of
         allies, victory may be guaranteed in any
         conflict"
         -B. Arnold 21. "One must deal openly and fairly with one's
         forces if maximum effectiveness is to be
         achieved"
         -D. Vader 22. "This is another fine myth you've gotten me
         into!"
         -Lor L. and Har D. 23. "Since prehistoric man, no battle has ever
         gone as planned"
         -D. Graeme 24. "Ya gotta be subtle!"
         -M. Hammer 25. "Just because you've beaten a sorcerer,
         doesn't mean you've beaten a sorcerer"
         -Toth-Amon 26. "A woman, like a good piece of music,
         should have a solid end"
         -F. Schubert
         II. Myth Conceptions
         1. "Life is a series of rude awakenings"
         -R.V. Winkle 2. "First impressions, being the longest
         lasting, are of utmost importance"
         -J. Carter 3. "Ninety percent of any business trans-
         action is selling yourself to the client"
         -X. Hollander 4. "If the proper preparations have been
         made and the necessary precautions
         taken, any staged event is guaranteed
         success"
         -Ethelred the Unready 5. "...Eye of newt, toe of frog..."
         -Believed to be the first recipe
         for an explosive mixture...
         The forerunner of gunpowder 6. "That's entertainment!"
         -Vlad the Impaler 7. "Numerical superiority is of no conse-
         quence. In battle, victory will go to the
         best tactician"
         -G.A. Custer 8. "Anything worth doing, is worth doing
         for a profit"
         -Teresias 9. "There is more at stake here than our
         lives"
         -Col. Travis
         Alamo Pep Talk 10. "One need not fear superior numbers if
         the opposing force has been properly
         scouted and appraised"
         -S. Bull 11. "Should old acquaintance be forgot..."
         -Count of Monte Cristo 12. "This is no game for old men! Send in
         the boys!"
         -W. Hays 13. "Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce"
         -Henry VIII 14. "We're looking for a few good men"
         -B. Cassidy 15. "I'll worry about it tomorrow"
         -S. O'Hara 16. "Myth-conceptions are the major cause
         of wars!"
         -A. Hitler 17. "Diplomacy is the delicate weapon of the
         civilized warrior"
         -Hun, A.T. 18. "Just before the battle, Mother, I was
         thinking mos of you..."
         -Sonny Barker 19. "What if they gave a war and only one
         side came-"
         -Lucifer 20. "Chain of command is the backbone of
         military structure and must be strictly
         obeyed"
         -F. Christian 21. "It takes a giant to fight a giant"
         -H. Prym 22. "Hell hath no fury like a demon scorched"
         -C. Mather 23. "What is this, a Chinese fire drill?"
         -Sun Tzu 24. "...and then I said to myself, 'Why
         should I split it two ways-'"
         -G. Mouser 25. "Is everybody happy?"
         -Machiavelli 26. "All's well that ends well"
         -E.A. Poe
         III. Myth Directions
         1. "Dragons and Demons and Kings,
         Oh my!"
         -The Cowardly Klahd 2. "When old friends get together,
         everything else pales to insignificance"
         -War, Famine, Pestilence
         and Death 3. "That's funny, I never have any
         trouble with sevice when I'm shopping"
         -K. Kong 4. "'Weird' is a relative, not an absolute
         term"
         -Baron Frank N. Further 5. "Nothing is impossible. Anything can
         be accomplished with proper prepa-
         rations and planning"
         -Ponce de Leon 6. "Now you see it, now you don't"
         -H. Shadowspawn 7. "A friend in need is a pest"
         -Fafhrd 8. "Once more into the breach..."
         -Zarna, the Human Cannonball 9. "War may be Hell... but it's good for
         business!"
         -The Association for
         Merchants, Manufacturers,
         and Morticians 10. "Old heroes never die; they reappear
         in sequels"
         -M. Moorcock 11. "What do you mean, 'You've got a
         little job for me'?"
         -Hercules 12. "Out of the frying pan, into der fire"
         -The Swedish Chief 13. "If you can't dazzle them with dex-
         terity, baffle them with bullshit!"
         -Prof. H. Hill 14. "As any magician will tell you - Myth
         Directions is the secret of a suc-
         cessful steal"
         -D. Henning 15. "-Or was it unlock the safe then
         swim to the surface?"
         -H. Houdini 16. "...and then the fun began"
         -N. Bonaparte 17. "I'm sure we can talk things out like
         civilized people"
         -J. Wayne 18. "What's the point-spread on World
         War III?"
         -R. Reagan 19. "Why should I pay a troll just
         to cross a bridge?"
         -B.G. Gruff 20. "What are friends for?"
         -R.M. Nixon 21. "We've got an unbeatable team!"
         -Sauron 22. "No matter what the game, no matter
         what the rules, the same rules apply
         to both sides!"
         -Hoyle's Law 23. "Life is full of little surprises"
         -Pandora 24. "This contest has to be the dumbest
         thing I've ever seen"
         -H. Cosell 25. "If you can't win fair, just win!"
         -U.S. Grant 26. "Winning isn't the most important
         thing; it's the only thing!"
         -J. Caesar 27. "Ask not for whom the bell tolls-"
         -M. Ali
         IV. Hit or Myth
         1. "There's something to be said for relatives
         ...it has to be said because it's unprint-
         able!"
         -A. Einstein 2. "When things are blackest, I just tell myself
         'cheer up, things could be worse!' And
         sure enough, they get worse!"
         -Skeeve 3. "Once a knight, always a knight,
         But once a King is once too often!"
         -Sir Bella of Eastmarch 4. "Duty: a fee paid for transacting in
         good(s)"
         -U.S. Dept. of Commerce 5. "The only thing worse that a sorcerer is a
         sorcerer's apprentice"
         -M. Mouse 6. "Good information is hard to get. Doing
         anything with it is even harder!"
         -L. Skywalker 7. "There is no counter for a spirited woman
         except spirited drink"
         -R. Butler 8. "Choose your friends carefully. Your ene-
         mies will choose you!"
         -Y. Arafat 9. "I don't know why anyone would be nerv-
         ous about going to see royalty"
         -P. in Boots 10. "Superior firepower is an invaluable tool
         when entering into negotiations"
         -G. Patton 11. "Tell you what. Let me sweeten the deal a
         bit for you..."
         -Beelzebub 12. "I'm making this up as I go along!"
         -I. Jones 13. "Marriage, being a lifelong venture, must be
         approached with care and caution"
         -Bluebeard 14. "Some farewells are easier than others"
         -P. Marlowe 15. "In a war against organized crime, survival
         is a hit or myth proposition"
         -M. Bolan 16. "It's always easier to destroy than to
         create"
         -Any general, any army, any age 17. "The best laid plans often go fowl"
         -Wile E. Coyote 18. "Life can be profitable, if you know the
         odds"
         -Ripley 19. "These blokes need to be taught to respect
         their superiors"
         -Gen. Cornwallis 20. "Figure the last thing you would expect
         the enemy to do, then count on him doing
         precisely that!"
         -Richelieu 21. "Stayin' alive! Stayin' alive!"
         -V. Dracula
         VII. M.Y.T.H. Inc. Link
         1. "Petty crime is the scourge of business today"
         -D. Lorean 2. "It all hinges on your definition of 'a good time'!"
         -L. Borgia 3. "It's all a matter of taste"
         -B. Midler 4. "If you're too busy to help your friends, you're
         too busy!"
         -L. Iacocca 5. "What fools these mortals be"
         -Smaug 6. "Not everything in life is funny"
         -R.L. Asprin
         VIII. Myth-Nomers and Im-pervections
         1. "Nobody's seen it all!"
         -Marco Polo 2. "They don't make 'em like they used to!"
         -H. Ford 3. "It's not even a nice place to visit!"
         -Fodor's Guide To Perv 4. "Taxis are water soluble"
         -G. Kelly 5. "I just need to pick up a few things"
         -I. Marcos 6. "There's no place like home!"
         -H. Johnson 7. "...On the street where you live"
         -Quote from an anonymous extortion note 8. "There's never a cop around when you need
         one!"
         -A. Capone 9. "...You gotta start somewhere"
         -S. McDuck 10. "All financiers are not created equal!"
         -R. Corman 11. "How come I get all the hard questions?"
         -O. North 12. "HOLY BATSHIT, FATMAN! I mean..."
         -Robin 13. "Who? Me, Officer?"
         -J. Dillinger 14. "Parting is such sweet sorrow"
         -Figaro 15. "Easy credit terms available..."
         -Satan 16. "You can judge the success of a man by his
         bodyguards!"
         -Prince 17. "Bibbity... bobbity..."
         -S. Strange, M.D. 18. "'M' is for many things she taught me..."
         -Oedipus 19. "I am not a crook!"
         -Any crook 20. "Were you looking for me?"
         -Dr. Livingstone
         IX. M.Y.T.H. Inc. In Action
         0. "What am I doing here?"
         -Any recruit, any army 1. "What do you mean
         my characters talk funny?"
         -D. Runyon 2. "We want to make you
         feel at home!"
         -L. Borgia 3. "Just a little off the top!"
         -A. Boleyn 4. "Squeeze, don't jerk, the trigger"
         -R. Rogers 5. "When I travel, nobody knows me...
         and I like it that way!"
         -S. King 6. "Boards don't hit back!"
         -B. Lee 7. "To Serve and Protect..."
         -Traditional motto of
         protection rackets 8. "It takes one to know one!"
         -Jack D. Ripper 9. "Manners are acquired, not inherited!"
         -S. Penn 10. "Now, here's my plan!"
         -R. Burns 11. "That's why the lady is a tramp!"
         -B. Midler 12. "It sure looks to me like a big night
         tonight!"
         -Arthur, Rex 13. "Weren't you expecting me?"
         -J. Rambo 14. "You countermanded me on whose
         authority?"
         -Pope John 15. "An army travels on its paperwork!"
         -J. Carlson 16. "So what's wrong with following
         established procedures?"
         -M. Gorbachev 17. "Ya gotta speak the language"
         -N. Webster 18. "Has anybody got a plan?"
         -G.A. Custer 19. "We must hurry... It's almost over!"
         -P. Fogg 20. "I want a rematch!"
         -M. Tyson
         ASPRIN/epigraphs.txt
        

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